Page 8

“Know Thyself”.

So here is the key, and here is a similarity in all the religions, the idea, that we should “know thyself,” an idea reflecting within all the religions.

But where should we start?
I guess the best place to start is from where we are, right now, at this moment. After all what is the use of getting into the car and driving to another path, in some distant land, like others do when they hear that a place is very spiritual, say like: Sonoma or the Grand Canyon, or even Hawaii.
No. This journey is going to be within us.
We will be working on understanding the dial of the radio and how we can turn it.
So let’s start by looking into the sacred texts for a parable.
A story in which, we will be able to find our reflection.
Let’s start in the beginning. And for the sake, that I was brought up in Christianity. Let’s start with the story of Adam and Eve.

This is a living story. That is why it has lasted so many years. Unlike other stories about aunt so and so and the time she did that, or this thing happened to her. These living stories actually help us to know ourselves.

Who am I?
This story of Adam and Eve I believe is a reflection of who we are, meaning what awareness we have now, and what awareness, did we once possess.
I propose that before we ate from the tree of knowledge, we were abiding in the garden of complete innocence, followed by the spiral out of that existence, as our individual identities developed.
We see this whole play acting in our life since our birth, as a reflection. From Babyhood to Adult, from having no problems to have many problems.
A reflection cast upon two mirrors reflecting endlessly.
The tree, I see as symbolizing our freedom, the “free will” that is given by the divine. Satan is the illusion that we fall into.
“Satan,” being the opposite of good, and therefore the opposite of God. This being said Satan is the canvas that our freewill plays out on. He is the world that we entered. And now again we will need to exercise our free will, to return to the divine.
Satan is the obstacle that we must surrender, and so clever is he, that we cling to him. He is the attachment.


The Garden of Eden

Many, many years ago there was a man and woman who live as one, with the divine. Neither had they cares nor disease. Wants and desires were never apparent because everything they could imagine was there.
When along came a mischievous snake, which found an opening part in the story. And after a brilliant audition, he entered into the garden to tempted, the woman. With a thought the snake planted the idea that she was missing something, and that being one with the divine was limiting her from being all, that she could be.
So the woman decided that she would eat of the forbidden fruit and get what she was missing.

Here I would like to explain, in plain terms, what I understand the word “sin” means.
The word sin is used to describe an act or thought that separates us from god. And since we have now just witnessed the first sin, we can start to see one thing that separates us from the Devine (our spirit).

Sin #1 Not being satisfied separates us from the divine.

Before we get back to the story I want to point out that in referring to Adam and Eve as a man and a woman I am in no way trying to causualize the story, or to make light of its’ sacredness. I am however trying to make a distinction here between “Wisdom” and “Knowledge” as I see it. I see wisdom as the overall theme, the lesson, and "knowledge," as the facts.
Many people are able to show that they are great, because they have knowledge. They can tell you how many, and who did it, what they said, or when that occurred, and we fall completely in awe of their brilliance. I think this is what Christ was referring to as building our houses on sand. Because this kind of knowledge does not bring us closer to the divine, which is a lasting thing. But instead is the knowledge that disappears with the ocean of time.

On with the story, now we find that the woman who now has committed the sin decides that the man should also join in. So she is able to convince him that he is also missing something that she has now found, so he joins her.

Now we see the two culprits which have been blessed with the forbidden knowledge. Or you can say that they have become aware of themselves as separate beings from the divine.
We can see our reflection here because we think that god is somewhere else. And that if we have faith we will some how reach him. Or if we do good things in life, God will let us into the pearly gates of heaven when we die.
But we can talk more about what heaven looks like later, and how you get there.
For now let’s say that Adam and Eve have now been given an ego and superego. With which they have obtained the ability to plan, act, and get the things they want with their ego, and the ability to remember how they did it and what things they liked with their superego.
They have now been given the foundations of “stress”, by becoming aware of time. Ego the future and Superego the past.
They actually start to loose the garden here, because the superego starts developing a personality, by compiling their past experiences into memories.
While at the same time the ego starts using the data to figure out how to get what the memories tell them they like.
Between these two oceans (ego and superego) some land appears as that of a personality. Upon the land some seeds in the form of ideas take root and grow. They have become something. Something that is now existing between the two oceans of time, (Future and the Past). They have left the present moment. (The Garden of Eden)
This is the source of all our problems, as an example, One says that he is worried about what will happen or how what just happened will affect what will happen in the future. Or you can say I lost my job today and so I am afraid of how I will live tomorrow. How will I pay my bills? What will others think of me?
Everything, outside of the present moment. After all what is not to say that you just inherited a kazillion dollars from a long lost aunt. And that a lawyer is right now stuck in traffic on the way to your house. And in ten minutes you are going to find out that you will never need to work again.

So where lays the reality? In the future? In the past? Or in the present moment?

It is also interesting to see here another reflection which we find in the bible that about the trinity. We find here a trinity of time, future, past and present.

Page 7

My new understanding

The fact is that everything is a reflection. And if we can understand even “one” thing fully (inside the box) we will understand everything (outside the box). Or, if we find something outside the box it should directly relate to, and help us understand what is inside the box.
So by seeing something reflected in different ways, we confirm its’ truth
We do not need blind faith.

So you may say how do we reflect?
We are constantly reflecting on things. When we see a person who is injured we reflect by seeing ourselves in that person, or the circumstances that person is in. Our compassion comes to life, and we may say “If I was like that person. I would want some one to help me” This way our reflection causes us to act.
Or we reflect to create ambitions, like my youngest son does when he tells me how he is going to be like such and such “soccer player” and be famous. He can see his reflection in that person. There by creating an ambition.
Jesus created reflections, answering questions in parables. This was his way to allow us humans to enter the play. To give us the ability to harvest the meanings hidden in the images that he created.
Jesus used these stories to elevate our awareness, like changing the dial on the radio to a new channel.
In fact I think that Christ and all the other prophets came to show us, that there is actually a radio, and a dial. And that just because we have been listening to that same old music forever there are other harmonies out there, harmonies so wonderful, and all that much more enjoyable.

These types of reflections, “I think,” become most useful to us when we are trying to understand god.
Which can also mean, “Trying to understand ourselves”?
Which if you analyze what I just said, “try to understand ourselves” I mean try to see the source of our reflection. The source of the stream.
Now these reflections are around us, all the time. So we will need a new awareness. This starts with being aware that there is something else, letting go of the limitation that says “I know it that.”
Like looking at a peach and saying, “I know how that peach tastes,” when in reality that statement in not completely true. For while you may have eaten peaches a thousand times, those experiences, built up within you, are now fading away into the past. This exact peach might for some reason taste completely or subtly different then all the others.
So lets’ not limit ourselves and have an open mind.
To do this we need new insight, to know what to look for.
Like a master tracker, who has been hired by the local law enforcement to find a criminal in the bombing of the Olympic Games? Sound familiar?
Anyway the tracker knows that when you are on the path, what you need to do is become aware of your surroundings. You need to become aware of the broken branch, the discolored soil, the impression in the ground that was left when a rock was kicked off the path.
Like a tracker the more you do this, the better, and keener you get.
To a point when you will see the path, as a story. A story so beautifully told, that you will know, when the guy sat down and drank some water, or when he was tired and stopped to rest.
Heck you will probably even get to the point that you know, what he was thinking and where he was going.
This is what we need to do. Get familiar with our surroundings.
To me this means get familiar with what is important. The questions.

Who am I? What is my purpose?

I think this is why all the religions in the world tell you, that the key to everything is to “Know Thyself”

Weekend poem "Blue"

today for a weekend treat I would like to give you another poem. This poem is not trying to convey any deep meanings, It is simply the enjoyment of a moment.


Blue, in a afternoon sky
Lingering in a meadow

At the bow of a knoll
Resting , fondling the pasture

Blue, without a sound
Hurling shades and hues

Penetrating a hush
Enmeshing quietly

In reflections on calm water
Or upon soothed souls

Within placid eyes
Your beauty I behold

Against a vibrant bloom
Or betwixt its’ green leaves

Your shades of feelings
Creep down deep inside me

Together today and tomorrow
Blue
I will drink you, I will breathe you

I will see you riding the sunrise
And I will join you at the gathering of clouds

page6

The dream that changed me.


One of my early breakthroughs in understanding came to me in a dream. I do not remember so much the day or the year. Just that it was in the old days. When I was looking for meanings, laying in the debris that filled the gutters of the streets.
In this dream a man fashioned to be the likes of Nostradamos showed up. He appeared very upset, as if I had some how summoned him. As he stood facing a backdrop of blackness and stars, he turned and looked, straight at me. A voice bellowed from deep within him, and I was graced with his first statement, “So you want to know”?
These words came wrapped in emotions, which were being emitted, very clear. As that of a master who had lost his patients with his disciple.
He turned and proceeded to draw a simulated square on the black, dark nothingness then with a quick jerk he pointed. His finger looked as if it was at least two or three hundred years old. He again bellowed.
But this time the words that came out were worth the tension that was sucking up the air.
The tension, that I felt, was the price I was now paying to be in his presence.
“If you want to know everything then understand this,” he again pointed emphatically, towards the nothingness within the simulated square.
That was it, simple and to the point. This dream, or what ever it was, was over.
I awoke. My mind seeing things with a new clarity, as if, I now wore glasses. Images were now sharpened to a degree which I had not known existed.
I do not know what I might have done in my life, to be so blessed. I can only imagine that is was one of those talks that I had with god, while walking amongst the homeless people.
Some how God had heard me. Some how my burning desire to have an answer had reached the doorstep of the divine. Where by some blessed angel, upon seeing my desire laying there at gods’ door, must have picked it up and hand delivered it.
I had an answer. And I was blown away. So much for the complexities of life, or the need to read volumes of books on the subject.
With this one dream, with this one messenger from god, I had come to know the foundation of knowledge.

Now the question is, “should I tell you?” Or maybe I should be like all those others who start calling such revelations, “A secret”. Maybe I should, first test you, and see if you are worthy.
Are you going to be willing to give up more than you have?
You know actually this is not a joke. Because a journey that takes you into the lands that fairytales are made of, can be the most rewarding. And at the same time most difficult. Personally I think that all the great stories that have lasted through the centuries are directly related to this quest.
For those of you who do not have a tree growing inside their stomach and have the ability to be satisfied. Or as I refer to, as asleep. You do not need this knowledge.
In fact, if you see this knowledge you will think that it is worthless. Like a person who does not know the value of a diamond.
But it doesn’t matter, because those are the ones that are actually at home right now watching TV or talking about sports with their friends down at the local bar. Those are the ones who are not reading this right now, and or if they were, have put it down and picked up magazine to looks at cool boats.
So for those of you who are still here, I will tell you the understanding that I had. Or I could say the understanding that changed my awareness, (my outlook on the world)

Page 5

It is time to move on with the story of my past.
We moved from my little town of Valley Center when I was in the 8th grade to the Northern California town of Grass Valley. Where I can say that the hills were literally greener and the soil had much more moisture and life.
This was a nice town, very idyllic. Not to hot, not to cold. Kind of like in the story of the three bears, “just right”.
That’s what it was for me, it had plenty of nature and great people.
This was the kind of place that you can become completely contented and never have to think about seeking anything else again.
That is until you fall in love and your first true love leaves you. At that point, all you want to do is die.
What I mean to say is that you start to grow up of course, which for me is what began to happen.
I wanted to have a job and make money, I wanted a car, I wanted a lot of things and I started accumulating them. To the point that my life was, going to school all day, followed with me working most the nights. I was hardly having anytime to myself.
I guess you can say that I was living the American dream.
The only problem was that I was 17 years old.
The only other problem, which I am going to touch on ever so lightly, is that I met someone who convinced me to do drugs.
About 8 of months later I dropped out of High School. I could not handle it anymore.
I did not like the teachers, I did not like my parents, and my old friends didn’t really like me so much anymore.
To tell you the truth, it did not take me long, before I did not like my new life either.
But I was too close to the bad guys. And I found it too hard to “just say no.”
So I decided to move back to San Diego and pursue my cooking career which lasted all of about 6 years.
I had however become a slightly different person. I had now an awareness of what one of Satan’s faces looked like. (Drugs) I knew that I did not want to wrestle with that face ever again.
Meanwhile the landscapes that bordered my new path, had a different appearance, I now had a new job, an apartment, my own dishes and couch.
I also had now, moments of reflections percolating in my life. These reflections felt like a seed that had some how sprouted deep within my belly. In fact it was so real that I could have easily convinced myself, that I had swallowed a seed. And a tree was actually growing within me, whether I liked it, or not.

These reflections came in the form of questions. They were the same questions that I proposed earlier.
Who am I? What is the purpose of my life?
I was a bit perplexed. You see this was not happening to my friends. Many of whom were going out on dates, drinking, and parting.
While other of my friends that had it all together, were getting good jobs that had real career potential. They were getting married, and having barbeques on Saturdays.
I wished that I could be like one of them.
Happy.
But I had this tree growing inside me which would not let me sleep some nights.
After finishing my night job I would come home and face my nothingness. Looking around my apartment I could not find anything that would fulfill me. I was aware of the TV and its’ numbing powers, but I did not want to go to sleep. I did not want to evade my hunger.
So I would go for walks through the city, down the dirty streets, looking in the gutters, for clues to my life.
I would talk to god, which to the nearby homeless people probably made me look like, one of them, talking to myself.
After some time, I made a life changing decision to go back to school. While doing a brief stint at junior college, I had a breakthrough in regards to my craving.
In the library I found a book called, “the Upanishads”. A religious book, but not a Christian book.
It was here that I found a truth, that there were many other religions in the world that have something to give. And that my belief in Jesus Christ was not at peril, simply because I found sustenance residing in another, equally important form.
Now I think you have enough details about my past. After all, this book is not an autobiography, and while the rest of my life is somewhat interesting, it is not what I want to tell you right now.
However, I can say that with hindsight, I would not change anything on my path. Every stone that stubbed my toe, every battle that I fought, has brought me to be where I am.
And where I am, is still, with that tree growing inside me. Only now it has more branches, with blossoms, that are ripening into fruits.

Page 4

To start out today I wanted to give the feelings that I was trying to express in the poem that I posted yesterday.
If you read this poem literally then you might come to the conclusion that I have a huge ego.
The fact is that when I wrote this poem I had just finished a great meditation. I had surrendered my thoughts to the point where my mind became still. I felt the oneness with the all pervading energy around me. And upon feeling that surrender I asked my self the question, "Who am I."
This is where the poem began, I started by realizing that if I think that I am this body then what is this body comprised of. So I am the water, I am the air, etc.
Then I moved my reflections to think that if I think that I am what I have become in life, then I must be, intent or purpose.
I think you can see the direction that I was going, next I assume that I am emotions, love, happiness, anger, etc.
Finally I looked at my thoughts and how they define my into a drop, but If I am the reflection of the divine, and the divine is limitless, then I am also limitless.
So in my meditation I felt surrendered, I lost my boundries, I was lost in the divine mother energy that permeates everything. Causing plants to grow, controlling nature, sustaining life.
Some call this power as, "Dow"

So that is what the poem means to me. And now I will offer a bit more of my story.

So the church I chose was the simpler of the two and had such a nice elderly man as the minister. I can really say that I felt love emanating from that man.
It seemed that he was there to guide me and help me answer the questions that filled my mind from time to time.
I got my baptism and also accepted Christ in to my life, in that church. I can so vividly remember the smells and sounds of the day that I accepted Christ. It was a ceremony that ignited a fire within me, etching a memory of an event that was so alive.
I can still see my minister there, who like I said was and elderly man. His voice was soothing but not soft. He had dark hair with some gray ends and very genuine.
I thought that he had, in his possession, a direct link to the divine.
However, for some reason unknown to me, on this occasion an out of town minister was there to help.
We walked into a quiet room, the three of us, and sat down. My minister asked me how I was feeling, and if I was ready to commit myself to Christ?
Wow. That was so intense. It was like being much older and walking down the isle to meet the woman that I had always known existed. The woman without any flaws. The woman who would be so stunning wearing her dress, that she would take my breath away. To the point where I would be willing to, just lay down there and die.
I was ready, I was probably the most ready boy in history.
At that point the other minister took over and started to read from the bible. This part of the ceremony I cannot remember, because I had just been transported into the lap of gods’ love.
I could have cried and I think that I actually did.
Can you imagine loving someone so much as I did Christ at that moment.
When I floated out of the room I was a changed boy.
It took me weeks before my feet to actually touch the ground again, and to see things the way I had before, that is with the same eyes, took much more time than that.
The rest of my church experience I will not tell you at this time. Not because it was bad, because it wasn’t.
After all I was on, “my path” and at that moment in my life, I was right where I needed to be.

a poem

Today I would like to take a break from the story and offer you a poem which I recently wrote.
I hope you enjoy.


I am
The water that flows through the streams
And through my veins

I am
The wind that blows through the trees
And fills my lungs

I am the sun light that lightens the world
And fills my eyes with reflection

I am
The earth which brings life to plants
And sustains, life, in this body

I am
The intent which causes life to move
And wakes me with purpose in the morn

I am
The desire of love ,innocent
Unattached, moving, living

I am everything
And I am nothing

When I “think” that I am this or that….
I am the drop

When I “think” that I am nothing….
I am the ocean

I am not the eye seeing
But the one who making me see

I am not the one hearing
But the one who makes me hear

I am not the one tasting
I am not the one smelling
I am not this
Not this
Realizing the roots of humility
Surrendering

I am
Lost in the divine mother
One……
Without another

Page 3

When you find the source you will know that wisdom is limitless, and you will never fear, that while in a discussion with someone, you will run out of words, or that you reach a point where you don’t have a reply.
Unless of course you are talking to someone who’s’ statements resemble the ones I mentioned earlier: “Because I said so”, etc, all these types of statements that are lacking in reason and depth.
I have seen that when these types of statements are uses, what the person is really saying is, “I don’t care about logic.” “I don’t want to find my source.”
They want to take the day off and relax by the stream and look at the water.

Now it is time to get back to me telling you, "about the story of my life, my path thus far."
With these images, I hope to help you understand a little bit about me, that way you can start to put me into a bottle, and sum me up.
After all that is what I have done all these years. By telling myself what I can do and what I can’t.
So here are my beginnings.

I am "a nobody," I was born "a nobody'" and lived in a little town in the countryside of San Diego California.
I have had a few moments of fame, like the time I was in the Valley Center newspaper with a picture of myself and my pig. Also there was the time I was in the Grass Valley newspaper for being “a most valuable mentioned player” on my football team.
But mostly I have lived my life somewhere in the middle. Not the star and not the failure.
My religious upbringing was very democratic. I was brought up free to believe anything that I wanted to, about god. However, “Anything” did not mean that I had a lot of choices. It simply meant that if I wanted to go to church, I could. And if I did not want to, that was fine also.
Consistent with this religious freedom that I had, I was free to choose between the 2 churches in my town.
For the first choice, as to whether I wanted to go to church, I felt the compulsion to go. You see, something within me, wanted very much to become a good person. And learning about god was part of that deal. Anyway it seemed very natural for me and fit right into my being. I guess you could say that this was one piece of the jigsaw puzzle, that had a picture on it, that I was sure would fit.

Page 2

So now I hope that it is more apparent as to why I have said, “That at this point in my life I do not know, “who I am”? And also I do not know, “who I am not”?
What I can tell you is of my path so far in this life, and the wisdom that I have compiled. And from that you will begin to have the ability to judge me. To figure out if I am, possibly, someone you would like to listen to.
So now I invite you to accompany me, with the next step in my journey through life. As I start to add to one of my titles of who “I” am, and as I let go of one of my limitations, of “Who I am not”. I am exploring the possibility that I could be a writer. And pondering the question that I could be limitless, and in fact that the person who has stopped me from writing for the last 44 years of my life, has been “Me”.
However before I give you the beginnings of my life, I do want to tell you that, what you will find in this blog is not knowledge. Meaning, details of things that you will have to remember. Because as anyone, who knows me, can tell you, “I” am the type of person who will meet you one minute, then forget your name the next. Only to ask you your name again, while telling you how sorry I am that I forgot it. And then forget it all over again.
To this weakness of mine I am constantly embarrassed.
So the kind of knowledge that I hope to be bringing to life is what I like to think of as wisdom. Wisdom to me “means” the method in which knowledge is aquired. And not so much as the knowledge itself (Details etc).
It is through wisdom that I have found confidence in my life. Even to the point where some people consider me stubborn. I can tell you that if someone tells me something and I find that the information I have just received, (which I liken to as piece of a jigsaw puzzle, with a part of a picture on it) does not fit into my view of the world, and solving the questions that I proposed earlier, I will flat out deny it.
With this statement you might consider me narrow minded. But I ask you, how many people in life are confident that what they are doing is right? And if they are, can defend their position without getting to a point where the reasoning starts to sound like this… Because I said so, or because I read it in a book, or because I learned it in school or in church etc. etc.
Wisdom for me comes from within. It comes from asking the right questions.
Ultimately if anyone is going to have confidence, they will have to go inside themselves. Walk down the path, past the trees and the beautiful rock formations. Past the grassy meadow and find the stream. Then upon finding the stream they will need to follow it. Further and further until they reach the source.
This is what I am writing about.
The beginning. The source.

Page 1

In the beginning…

I would like to start out with two bold statements.
I am now at a point in my life where I no longer know, “who I am?”
I am now at a point in my life where I no longer know, “who I am not?”


These statements echo deep into the caverns of my existence. They are the questions that I have often crashed into when reflecting upon my significance.
Who is god?
Who am I?
And what is the connection?
With these questions proposed, I would like to start by telling you that I should never be writing this on this subject. I have none of the titles that would merit me doing so. Like: Dr., Professor, scholar, Priest, Pope, Shaman, Brahman, Monk……
The titles that I do have carpenter, father, brother, friend, husband, are not the titles one usually associates with a person who is writing a book.
But this word, “title” I find too constricting. And I am unable to find comfort within its’ bounds. To me it seems similar to the word label. And a Label is a description that you would find, say on a bottle of medicine. Like “take twice daily after meals.” Or a label on a cereal box, “Good and tasty” which is describing a certain aspect or function of a product.
And a title or a label does not allow me to understand my significance.
It may tell me who I am today, but it limits me from who I may be tomorrow. I find that using questions are much more liberating. Like a key unlocking the vaults of limitations.
And this is what I want to know, who I am, and what is my purpose? These questions I believe have eluded common man, throughout time.