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It is time to move on with the story of my past.
We moved from my little town of Valley Center when I was in the 8th grade to the Northern California town of Grass Valley. Where I can say that the hills were literally greener and the soil had much more moisture and life.
This was a nice town, very idyllic. Not to hot, not to cold. Kind of like in the story of the three bears, “just right”.
That’s what it was for me, it had plenty of nature and great people.
This was the kind of place that you can become completely contented and never have to think about seeking anything else again.
That is until you fall in love and your first true love leaves you. At that point, all you want to do is die.
What I mean to say is that you start to grow up of course, which for me is what began to happen.
I wanted to have a job and make money, I wanted a car, I wanted a lot of things and I started accumulating them. To the point that my life was, going to school all day, followed with me working most the nights. I was hardly having anytime to myself.
I guess you can say that I was living the American dream.
The only problem was that I was 17 years old.
The only other problem, which I am going to touch on ever so lightly, is that I met someone who convinced me to do drugs.
About 8 of months later I dropped out of High School. I could not handle it anymore.
I did not like the teachers, I did not like my parents, and my old friends didn’t really like me so much anymore.
To tell you the truth, it did not take me long, before I did not like my new life either.
But I was too close to the bad guys. And I found it too hard to “just say no.”
So I decided to move back to San Diego and pursue my cooking career which lasted all of about 6 years.
I had however become a slightly different person. I had now an awareness of what one of Satan’s faces looked like. (Drugs) I knew that I did not want to wrestle with that face ever again.
Meanwhile the landscapes that bordered my new path, had a different appearance, I now had a new job, an apartment, my own dishes and couch.
I also had now, moments of reflections percolating in my life. These reflections felt like a seed that had some how sprouted deep within my belly. In fact it was so real that I could have easily convinced myself, that I had swallowed a seed. And a tree was actually growing within me, whether I liked it, or not.

These reflections came in the form of questions. They were the same questions that I proposed earlier.
Who am I? What is the purpose of my life?
I was a bit perplexed. You see this was not happening to my friends. Many of whom were going out on dates, drinking, and parting.
While other of my friends that had it all together, were getting good jobs that had real career potential. They were getting married, and having barbeques on Saturdays.
I wished that I could be like one of them.
Happy.
But I had this tree growing inside me which would not let me sleep some nights.
After finishing my night job I would come home and face my nothingness. Looking around my apartment I could not find anything that would fulfill me. I was aware of the TV and its’ numbing powers, but I did not want to go to sleep. I did not want to evade my hunger.
So I would go for walks through the city, down the dirty streets, looking in the gutters, for clues to my life.
I would talk to god, which to the nearby homeless people probably made me look like, one of them, talking to myself.
After some time, I made a life changing decision to go back to school. While doing a brief stint at junior college, I had a breakthrough in regards to my craving.
In the library I found a book called, “the Upanishads”. A religious book, but not a Christian book.
It was here that I found a truth, that there were many other religions in the world that have something to give. And that my belief in Jesus Christ was not at peril, simply because I found sustenance residing in another, equally important form.
Now I think you have enough details about my past. After all, this book is not an autobiography, and while the rest of my life is somewhat interesting, it is not what I want to tell you right now.
However, I can say that with hindsight, I would not change anything on my path. Every stone that stubbed my toe, every battle that I fought, has brought me to be where I am.
And where I am, is still, with that tree growing inside me. Only now it has more branches, with blossoms, that are ripening into fruits.